


i exist

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: M/M, Potentially OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26860144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: makoto has had a crush on byakuya for as long as he can remember. as byakuya is cold and ignoring to many, he often puts makoto to the side, causing him to try to go extreme with his confessions, trying to get byakuya to realise he exists.what makoto doesn't know is that byakuya has a fear of becoming like his parents and hating commoners, and are often cold with byakuya too. he wishes they could be closer, but his parents won't let him, fearing he could be trying to end the togami corporation.inspired by the song ' i exist i exist i exist ' by flatsound.not using capital letters is intentional, crossposted on wattpad under the same name.
Relationships: Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> i did something !!  
> this is probably ooc bc this is my first fic but ... yeah i try  
> I'll update as much as i can, but dont be shocked if i go off for a while.  
> 1685 wordz!

baby please,  
its the way you speak.  
forming words  
so easily.

i watch byakuya at his lunch table, head in a book, and coffee brewing not too far away, the strong smell filling the air. the aroma matched him a lot, it seemed expensive no matter how you smell it, strong, and warm. i wish he was warm to me though, but a boy can dream i guess...  
i imagine if i had the courage to do that, sit with him, knowing full well he would hardly talk, but at least i could talk a little and look from a little closer. at least for now all i could do is admire from afar. 

there was nothing i could do about it really, so i turn my head away and face back to our table, and sigh.  
kyoko gives me a look and asks ' so who was catching your eye?'  
she winks and nudges sayaka with her elbow, who is sitting next to her, halfway through a conversation but perking up from the hit and the thrill of potential drama. she rubs her arm, looks at kyoko, and waits.  
'yeah makoto!! who do you like?'  
i feel embarrassed knowing that this conversation reminds me of the childish crush talks people would have when they were younger, but that's how sayaka is.  
"no one, i'm just zoning out."  
i try to sound blunt, signalling to the two that the conversation is over, but a little laugh slips out.  
'don't try and fool me. i know a lot about body langu-'  
the bell rings and i feel blessed, glad that my luck had got me out of this situation.  
"oh well sorry kyoko,sayaka, i have to go to lesson now bye!"  
i hear kyoko get angry, but shrug it off and speedwalk to next lesson, knowing full well we were in the same class, but just needing a moment away from them. i grab my backpack and try and remember the seats for that lesson : math. i don't sit with byakuya in that lesson, and he isnt even in it for a start, but i can talk to toko, at least we both have something in common.

i walked down the corridor, to the math building, up the stairs and waited by the first classroom on the second floor. i gave byakuya a small wave and a smile, getting a glare as return from him as he entered the room opposite from mine. as we waited for monokuma, the other students arrived the class obviously small, but still all of us here without a teacher. we pondered on how he takes so long despite being everywhere at once , but as that thought appeared, he did too, unlocking the door for us to take our seats. he writes his name on the whiteboard, already though we knew him beforehand, most likely thinking it makes him better. knowing mokokuma, he probably thinks that.

with his name in the red pen, and the work on the desks ahead of us, the chatter dies down and i start to fill in the work, with more than enough help from the textbook me and toko were sharing. i finished before most of the class, and we weren't allowed to talk, which worked in my favour. my mind kept wandering to byakuya, and if we could talk, no doubt that would be the only things coming out of my mouth.  
i turned the sheet over and doodled on the back.  
pictures of flowers, gardens, and hearts littered my page, and i feel odd knowing that i was the one who drew them, and who the cause of the thoughts to make it were.

i quickly fold up the paper and cough to excuse my now blushing face,and try to talk to toko, who is now done, shown by her fidgeting with a piece of oily hair hanging in front of her face, before remembering that we can't talk anyway. thinking of a solution,i rustle through my bag for a moment or two, getting dirty looks from a lot of the class, to find a notebook with crumpled pages. knowing this was the best i could work with, i rip off a piece, and attempt to communicate with the girl sat beside me.

i write 'hello!' on the paper at the top, giving us plenty of room to talk with. i draw a smiley face next to it, fold it up, and shuffle it her way.  
she scrawls on it for a few seconds, pen moving quickly, but with precision. as the paper makes it way back to me, i again, see my handwriting as terrible compared to the perfect cursive of the Ultimate Writer. through its loops and curls, i make out her message. 'Hello Makoto,  
please leave me alone. I hate everyone in this class, and I wouldn't like to get into hot water with you. You know how I have to look for Master.'  
i look up and toko, her face covered in the anger she had just displayed for me, and i just put my head back down again.

i open up the doodle page again, toko probably not noticing that this is a different paper, and looks over my shoulder to see what i write, or more rather draw.  
im guessing she saw my love confession in doodles, and am now pretty sure he's gonna tell byakuya whenever she next sees him, or will kill me, so obviously i'm scared about what's going to happen. she sniffles to alert me that she saw it in a way she knew in a way that i would understand.  
nonetheless, i switch to the message paper and write back. 

dropping the pencil to pick up the pen, my hand shakes a little before my brain has time to think of a response. 

'knew that would make you jealous!' i smile at the clever idea i came up with and show it to her, rather than passing it to her, her smell alerting me that she was still half over my side of the desk.  
she grabs the pen out of her hand and writes, quizzing me on why the drawing was already there, and the expressions on my face while i drew them earlier.  
thinking i have been found out, i tell her it 'added to the realness' and that 'she really bought it', and before i know it, the bell rings once more to signal the end of the day.

before toko can interrogate me any longer, i head over to the toilets before i leave, i was in no rush to get home, and i needed to go anyway. i walk up and i swear i could see byakuya, although that might have been the part of my brain utterly in love with him.  
he is sat in the waiting area, with the sinks, and no one seems to be in the toilets.  
"you alright byakuya?"  
byakuya stands up and appears shocked, his eyes puffy and his face red. he shakes his head, not to say no, but to move his hair around, and pushes up his glasses, appearing to be looking around for other students. after conforming that nobody was around, he bends down, hugs me, wiping his tear stained face on my black jacket. my heart obviously beats faster.  
"so what's up?"  
'i don't want to go home, my dad's getting drunk tonight. don't let anybody know about this encounter. this is as much of me as you can learn, naegi.'  
he talks slowly but carefully, making sure not to stutter or stumbling over his words, knowing he has to seem professional, even though i had just seen him with emotions. the last part hurt me a little, but the hope of wanting to prove him wrong about that shone through.  
"you're welcome to come to mine if you want! it wouldn't be as good as your house,but at my parents are chill!"

hoping he doesn't think too much of it, i smile at wait for me response.

he seems shocked, and declines.  
"my dad doesn't like common folk, that's including you. he wouldn't dare catch me in a common home. thanks for the offer, however i cannot take you up on it."  
before he left, i tear him a piece off of the paper that me and toko were talking from, and jotted down my phone number across it. the numbers were scruffy, but could still be read.

for if you need me. he takes the paper begrudgingly and puts it in his bag.  
he waves me goodbye and leaves the area, and i go the bathroom for my goal before byakuya was here.

i walk out of the school gates on my way to the dorms. they were still in the schools zone, but not in the building, where i see chihiro walking from the computer lab. he often had lessons by himself, but he was a nice person to talk to, just often kept to himself. i asked him what's up, and he said that he 'was waiting for mondo and taka' and apparently they were all going out together for milkshakes, but he was worried because he likes them a bit. i told him to just go, because he would enjoy it, although he is stronger than i would be in that situation with 'kuya. i wish him luck and head to my dorm, and putting my headphones in. i see byakuya leaving the grounds to get to his mansion no doubt, and internally hoping tonight would be okay for him.

i unzip my bag, taking out my dorm key and unlocking the door and carefully opening the it like i always do. i go up to my room, and wait, for byakuya to message me. i can't believe i actually gave him my number! he probably wouldn't message me anyway, because of his reputation, but i keep my phone open, the songs on shuffle teasing me, i could always shift my mind to him no matter what was playing.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> makoto wants byakuya .... that's the whole chapter

and i think  
of the way you think  
it keeps me from   
falling asleep 

about an hour had passed, yet i still sit at my bed, eagerly awaiting the text from byakuya. with my headphones still blasting ,i refresh the messages page.   
a sigh falls out my mouth.  
nothing.  
pulling my phone away, i lay down on the bed, pushing off my bag with my leg and resting my hands above my stomach. i begin to wonder what he would even be doing right now. he does his homework in the library, it wouldn't be that. would he be finishing school work? i doubt it, he always finishes his work in lesson. i always tell when he can because of the way he will finally sit more comfortably, almost at a slouch but not enough of one for him or others to see him as unprofessional or common. i try to imagine him doing other hobbies instead. i only see him read, however he never checks books out.   
after pondering for a while about him, i stop. i pull my hand up to my now aching cheeks, hurting at the fact i was smiling from the thought of 'kuya being relaxed, and really happy. reminiscing on the feelings from a few moments prior, i smile a little wider this time, before wincing from the sudden sting. contorting my face to try and un cramp it, i remember what he said. his dad was going to be getting drunk. i mean, of course he said that, i remembered everything else about the time that he said it, but the actions were louder than words in my head. i'd have loved for him to come to mine for a safer place, or for me to stay at his house to keep him company through the sad times, but the lines in my head were blurred, not knowing the limits i should have with him. did i want that to happen for an excuse to be closer with him? did i genuinely care? was it the feeling of the way he enveloped me in his arms that made me want to keep it going in somewhere private?   
i couldn't answer that question, or any of them. i hope for his night to be good, and i sit up, walking to the laundry basket to put the now stained black blazer i always wear. i hesitated though. checking my surroundings for others in the same way the man who lives in my head 'rent free' does, i smell it. this is the closest he's been to me, and the smell of his cologne and the coffee he sat with were the top layer to the tears and the smell of, well me. i blush a little knowing that's how it would smell if i was to wear one of his clothes, and taking a moment to imagine the way his clothes would fit on me. i let my mind wander a little, taking the time to picture one of togamis plain t-shirts draped over me, with the smell of him and his fabric softener covering me in the same way. i like to think he would find it cute, in the way that baby animals are cute, as the shirt would fit like a dress on me, making me seem even smaller than i am, and how it would make byakuya feel. he would like that, feeling superior to me as he always does, but being able to tease me on something as simple as wearing his shirt to bed. 

i place my jacket to the side, and say to myself that the basket was getting too full anyway, and that it should be cleaned a different day, when its emptier. im hoping that he is safe and sound and asleep in his room, or being quiet and peaceful to stay out of his dad's way.   
running through a mental to-do list of someone like him, i try to bring some things to school that he might have had to sacrifice for his safety. grabbing some food, deodorant, a small pillow in case he didn't sleep well, and an oversized hoodie of my own, so it would fit him. half for the intention of keeping him warm, and half so he would feel the same way i feel about owning some of his clothes. i put it all in a brown paper bag, and stick it shut with a piece of tape. i write 'togami-kun' on the bag, with a small heart next to it, and consider that my opening up about feelings for now. if anyone asks it's because i always keep something like that in there, yet i write the name on quickly. it seems a good enough plan for now at least. 

the sun has past set now. the stars are out, and i hope it is as peaceful here as it is for byakuya. i start to think, again, of how he will thank me for my heartfelt gesture of providing for him, even though it isnt the best that he has ever gotten, or even close. would he thank me with another hug? or would he just bow a little to keep respect? but even after that, he could take me aside and kiss me, only on the head or something though, as he still believes we are hardly friends. or would he confess his undying love for me, the love he kept hiding and hidden behind his almost emotionless face most of the time, hopelessly glad that i care so much for him, and him being able to reciprocate the feeling he shut off from me before?

i check my phone one last time.   
my only notification from a few hours ago. and looking at the now early hours of the morning lighting up the screen, i realised how time really does fly doing something you love.  
i turn the phone back off, still wondering a little why he hasn't messaged me back.   
but before i could question him any longer, i started finally feeling the warm of sleep enveloping me. i hold my pillow closer to my chest and start to dose off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is a short one! this is just makoto being alone for a little and wanting byakuya..  
> this one is 2 pass the time between this and the next, and soft naegi is a win in my eyez


End file.
